


i need you, i miss you, i'm sorry

by lexaisdead



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 10:37:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10488966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexaisdead/pseuds/lexaisdead
Summary: a series of times maggie is reminded of alex, and another where she's reminded of how they broke up.





	

i.

Maggie had just been rummaging through her closet trying to find a specific leather jacket. One that she knew for certain she looked good in, and only wore on specific occasions. When she came across it. 

Alex had moved out a month ago. God, Maggie can't quite believe it'd been so long already. Maggie may have admittedly hidden a few items of hers just to have an excuse to call her some evenings after a particularly tough day at work when sometimes all that could soothe her was the sound of Alex's voice. Her luck had unfortunately ran out when Alex had caught on after she'd called her for second evening in a row claiming she'd found another t-shirt of hers. It's not Alex's fault she let herself get so accustomed to the sound of her voice so she obeyed the other woman's wishes and mailed the rest of her items over, they'd both mutually agreed mailing was the best option.

Sitting behind her multiple leather jackets was a jacket that belonged to Alex. A jacket Maggie was particularly fond of during their relationship and was always appreciative of the flattering way it'd cling to Alex's body. She smelled it, weirdly she'd admit. And it still held the scent of her.

Maggie remembers so vividly the last time Alex wore this jacket. It was the same night that she'd reconciled with Emily. She can remember glancing to other side of the street, Alex was leaning up against her car, waiting patiently. She remembers Emily asking if she loved her. Maggie remembers smiling. The smile that only Alex could bring out on her face. She remembers nodding, she remembers her eyes welling up with unspoken emotion, but most of all she remembers saying "so much". It's not everyday you admit something like that to your ex of whom you'd previously cheated on but Emily asked and Maggie admitted. Emily had replied with "you're lucky to have her" and she doesn't think lucky could've ever described her dynamic with the mythical Alex Danvers.

It'd been a month and a part of Maggie still expects her to walk through the door, complaining about her long day at the DEO but every day she expects is another day she's left disappointed and alone in a cold bed that's beginning to grow unfamiliar. 

ii.

Maggie was at some dive bar with colleagues of hers. Most of them were from her precinct but there were others she recognised from other departments. She wasn't one to usually mix business and pleasure together but she hadn't been out much since the breakup and she automatically assumed she couldn't ask Winn or James to hang out anymore. It's protocol, she knows the drill. But she misses them more than she'd ever admit. 

She misses teasing Winn about the time he almost took her eye out whilst playing darts. Or, being there for James when his jealously over Kara and Mon-El was a little too obvious. She misses having people that she cares about surrounding her with everything that she's never had before. And then, there's game night. She misses watching Kara use her super strength to coax Winn out of winning at Scrabble for the 57th time or Alex, oh Alex, teasing her and shouting out after her when she loses at Mario Kart and huffs off into another room.

The sound of Federico's voice, a fellow detective of hers, brings her out of the daze that she'd been in. She takes a sip of her beer, apologises and asks him to repeat what he'd said. It turns out he'd asked her for a game of pool which she definitely wasn't expecting and she kicks herself because she should've known.

A game of pool isn't a big deal which is why she doesn't understand when she begins to turn it into one. But that's the thing; to Maggie it is a big deal. It was always her and Alex's go to thing. They'd have always little wagers with one another. She vaguely remembers asking Alex for a double or nothing and if she won she would have to give her a flash grenade. Yes, she won. No, she still hasn't received the flash grenade.

"Sure thing." When she accepted the offer she didn't actually expect to enjoy herself but she thinks the world is full of surprises. Federico went easy on her, she could tell. She's a detective, she detects. 

"You aren't half bad, Sawyer." He's smirking and Maggie so desperately wanting to wipe that smirk off of his face. With Alex it was different; losing was fun. She's not exactly sure how because she's always had a competitive side but Alex grinning and acting cocky is something that could soothe her bruised ego after losing three games in a row. 

"Double or nothing," she ponders for a second unsure of what has real value to her. "If I win, you have to transfer all of your best cases to me for the next month."

She won. Like she always knew she would. But she left the bar on a sad note. She can't help but reminisce on the countless nights Alex and her would stumble out onto the alleyway, slightly tipsy but in good spirit. Nights like these are making her grow tired of what used to be and what is meant to be.

iii.

Maggie's tired. She's slept less hours than she has fingers in the past week. There's this case and it's so grueling, it's beginning to make her question why she ever decided to become a cop.

"Sawyer. Go home, sleep."

She's grown tired of going home to an empty apartment, cold bed sheets, and leftover Chinese takeaway from well over a week ago. If it wasn't Alex eating for the five thousand it'd be Kara coming over for a midnight snack or two.

When she enters her apartment she's greeted with familiar scent of vanilla lingering in the air. She throws off her shoes and her jacket takes place on the edge of couch whilst she pads over to the refrigerator. She grabs the leftover Chinese food and puts it in the trash. Anyone that eats that must be looking for their death bed.

Maggie decides a glass of scotch is enough to satiate the ever growing feeling of hunger in the pit of her stomach. Maggie also decides that she's tired. She's tired and she's tired and she's just so fucking tired.

She's been suffering and suffering and suffering. And she often wonders what she could've done differently. She wonders why she's failed to maintain another relationship, one she wanted to last forever. Maybe it's all temporary. Maybe nothing can be permanent when you're as damaged as she is. Maybe.

Alex loved her. Maggie remembers her saying so every night. She had this memorable way of saying it where her nose would scrunch up and her eyes would close as if she was worried Maggie would disappear at any moment. 

She wonders if Alex hates herself as much as she does, she hopes she doesn't. She wonders if she's cried herself to sleep for countless nights. Kicking herself because she should've known better.

Maggie is tired and tired and this time it isn't just because she hasn't slept. 

iv.

Maggie didn't realise she'd kept it. She'd planned on selling it but she must've   
forgotten because suddenly there's this big ass engagement ring sitting on her chest of drawers and she's feeling like she's just received ten dozen kicks to the gut.

"You're just so fucking inconsiderate, Maggie. You tell me you want me to move in, you tell me you love me. Stop telling me all of these things if you can't back them with your actions." Maggie had failed to turn up to the wedding venue they wanted to book and she's sorry, she is but work had called and work is Maggie's life.

"Work called me in and I said that I'm sorry. What else can I do, Alex?"

"I can't-" Maggie scoffs in reply. Because there's no way this is happening.

"You've always said work is your life, I know that but we're engaged."

"Yeah."

"Yeah?" Alex is questioning her and she wishes she didn't know why. 

"Maybe this isn't right."

"This?"

"The engagement."

"Stop backing out. Stop. Just stop." Alex says as she takes a step away from her. She's guarding herself from the tears that Maggie can see building up in her eyes.

"It's okay, Alex. It's okay."

"No. No, it's not."

"I love you," Maggie hates herself for what she's about to say next but the words somehow still leave her mouth. "But this. This isn't me."

Alex's grip on her glass is getting tighter. Maggie can see her hand is beginning to turn white and before she knows it the glass has left her hand and collides with the wall on the opposite side of the room.

"You proposed, Maggie. Not me. You asked me to spend forever with you. What was that? Was that just a spur of the moment?"

"No." 

"Tell me what it fucking was then."

"Maybe we aren't right."

"Yeah. Maybe." And before Maggie knows it Alex has left her apartment and she crumbles into the floor. Wanting it to swallow her whole.

Maggie remembers why her and Alex broke up. And, she utters the words I'm sorry.


End file.
